Rough cut feedback

We have watched each groups thriller opening and have given and received feedback on where improvements can be made and the overall effectiveness of our pieces. Our teacher also went through what needs to be done to improve our grade.

We ranked each thriller from best to worst, this is my view...
1)Next-Amber,Emily,Sehb
2)Reflections-Andy,Georgia,Charlie,Jade
3)Disturbance-Amber,Gemma,Jamie
4)Tracker

It was the general view of the class that Tracker was bottom, however i fully expected that. Despite this, watching the work back in its entirety made me see the positives. I feel its opens strongly and am please with the first 30-60 seconds, it is the latter half which needs improvement. It is clear from watching the other openings that the standard of work is very high, as a group we will need to pull together to get the best grade possible but i am confident we can improve on our opening vastly before the final deadline.

FEEDBACK:

Grade: D
Mark: 30
Level: 2
Improvements,
1. The titles are too big- they need to be more subtle.
2. An establishing shot is needed, with the cafe in view, a slow pan would also help to build tension.
3. Get rid of the mid shot/close up of sehb, instead just get the brief case and torso in shot.
4. Hold the shot of sehb sitting down- tension.
5. Slow the pace down.
6. Do not cut before the character leaves the screen- hold the shot.
7. Cut straight into Andy at the fence watching Sehb escape- editing.
8. More emotional reactions.
9. Instead of loads use just one good shot of Andy running off screen- cut to Sehb walking through the entrance of the train station.
10. Finish with Sehb on the train, get a shot of Andys reaction, last shot will be the train pulling away.

Overall i think the shots of sehb and andy running need to be cut down dramatically. This is due to the fact that often the narrative is hard to follow which also highlights issues with editing. We need to be more thorough with our editing in order to create pace, tension and a sense of narrative. We are quite confident in the quality of the first minute, but like alot of groups that quality needs to be maintained throughout the opening.